The Little Book
An excerpt from
Four questions
that can change your life
Byron Katie with Stephen Mitchell
"Byron Katie's Work is a great blessing for our planet.
The root cause of suffering is identification with our thoughts, the 'stories'
that are continuously running through our minds. The Work acts like a
razor-sharp sword that cuts through that illusion and enables you to know for
yourself the timeless essence of your being. In Loving What Is, you have
the key. Now use it."
Eckhart
Tolle, author
of The Power of Now
"No
one can give you freedom but this little book will show you how."
Byron
Katie
Introduction
Byron
Kathleen
Reid
, a businesswoman and mother living in the
high desert of southern
California
, became severely depressed while in her
thirties. Over a ten-year period her depression deepened, and
Katie
(as she is called) spent almost two years
rarely able to leave her bed, obsessing over suicide. Then one morning, from the
depths of despair, she experienced a life-changing realization.
Katie
saw that when she believed that something
should be different than it is ("My husband should love me more,"
"My children should appreciate me,") she suffered, and that when she
didn't believe these thoughts, she felt peace. She realized that what had been
causing her depression was not the world around her, but the beliefs she had
about the world around her. In a flash of insight,
Katie
saw that our attempt to find happiness was
backward -- instead of hopelessly trying to change the world to match our
thoughts about how it "should" be, we can question these thoughts and,
by meeting reality as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy.
Katie
developed a simple yet powerful method of
inquiry, called The Work, that helped make this transformation practical. As a
result, a bed-ridden, suicidal woman became filled with love for everything life
brings.
Katie
's insight into the mind is consistent with
leading-edge research in cognitive psychology, and The Work has been compared to
the Socratic dialogue, Buddhist teachings, and 12-step programs. But
Katie
developed her method without any knowledge of
religion or psychology. The Work is based purely on one woman's direct
experience of how suffering is created and ended. It is astonishingly simple,
accessible to people of all ages and backgrounds, and requires nothing more than
a pen and paper and an open mind. Katie saw right away that giving people her
insights or answers was of little value -- instead, she offers a process that
can give people their own insights and answers. The first people exposed to her
Work reported that the experience had transformed their lives, and she soon
began receiving invitations to teach the process publicly.
Since 1986,
Katie
has introduced The Work to hundreds of
thousands of people in over thirty countries around the world. In addition to
public events, she has introduced her Work into corporations, universities,
schools, churches, prisons, and hospitals. Katie's joy and humor immediately put
people at ease, and the deep insights and break-throughs that participants
quickly experience make the events captivating (tissues are always close at
hand). Since 1998,
Katie
has directed The School for The Work, a
nine-day curriculum of exercises offered several times a year in different
locations. The School is an approved provider of continuing education units, and
many psychologists, counselors, and therapists report that The Work is becoming
an important part of their practice.
Katie
also hosts an annual New Year's Mental
Cleanse -- a five-day program of continuous inquiry that takes place in
Southern California
at the end of December -- and she offers
weekend intensives, or "mini-schools," in many major cities. Audio and
videotapes of
Katie
facilitating The Work on a wide range of
topics (sex, money, the body, parenting) are available at her events and on her
web site, www.thework.org.
In March 2002, Crown
Harmony published
Katie
's first book, Loving What Is: Four Questions
That Can Change Your Life, co-written with renowned author/translator
Stephen
Mitchell
. Loving What Is has already been translated
into 16 languages. It has been on several bestseller lists, including Amazon.com,
where a Christian minister wrote that she would recommend it before the Bible.
This booklet is an
excerpt from Loving What Is. For a deeper and more complete introduction to The
Work, please look for Loving What Is at a bookstore near you, and visit www.thework.org.
Welcome to The Work.
What Is Is
The only time we suffer
is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is
perfectly clear, what is is what we want. If you want reality to be different
than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try,
and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, "Meow." Wanting
reality to be different than it is is hopeless.
And yet, if you pay
attention, you'll notice that you think thoughts like this dozens of times a
day. "People should be kinder." "Children should be
well-behaved." "My husband (or wife) should agree with me."
"I should be thinner (or prettier or more successful)." These thoughts
are ways of wanting reality to be different than it is. If you think that this
sounds depressing, you're right. All the stress that we feel is caused by
arguing with what is.
People new to The Work
often say to me, "But it would be disempowering to stop my argument with
reality. If I simply accept reality, I'll become passive. I may even lose the
desire to act." I answer them with a question: "Can you really know
that that's true?" Which is more empowering? -- "I wish I hadn't lost
my job" or "I lost my job; what can I do now?"
The Work reveals that
what you think shouldn't have happened should have happened. It should have
happened because it did, and no thinking in the world can change it. This
doesn't mean that you condone it or approve of it. It just means that you can
see things without resistance and without the confusion of your inner struggle.
No one wants their children to get sick, no one wants to be in a car accident;
but when these things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue with them?
We know better than to do that, yet we do it, because we don't know how to stop.
I am a lover of what is,
not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with
reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue
with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don't feel natural or
balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and
fearless.
Staying in Your Own Business
I can find only three
kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God's. (For me, the word God
means "reality". Reality is God, because it rules. Anything that's out
of my control, your control, and everyone else's control, I call that God's
business.)
Much of our stress comes
from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, "You need to
get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take
better care of yourself," I am in your business. When I'm worried about
earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God's business. If I am
mentally in your business or in God's business, the effect is separation. I
noticed this early in 1986. When I mentally went into my mother's business, for
example, with a thought like "My mother should understand me," I
immediately experienced a feeling of loneliness. And I realized that every time
in my life that I had felt hurt or lonely, I had been in someone else's
business.
If you are living your
life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine? We're both
over Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am
separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn't work.
To think that I know
what's best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of
love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I
know what's right for myself? That is my only business. Let me work with that
before I try to solve your problems for you.
If you understand the
three kinds of business enough to stay in your own business, it could free your
life in a way that you can't even imagine. The next time you're feeling stress
or discomfort, ask yourself whose business you're in mentally, and you may burst
out laughing! That question can bring you back to yourself. And you may come to
see that you've never really been present, that you've been mentally living in
other people's business all your life. Just to notice that you're in someone
else's business can bring you back to your own wonderful self.
And if you practice it
for a while, you may come to see that you don't have any business either and
that your life runs perfectly well on its own.
Meeting Your Thoughts with Understanding
A thought is harmless
unless we believe it. It is not our thoughts, but the attachment to our
thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that
it's true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we've been attaching
to, often for years.
Most people think that
they are what their thoughts tell them they are. One day I noticed that I wasn't
breathing -- I was being breathed. Then I also noticed, to my amazement, that I
wasn't thinking -- that I was actually being thought and that thinking isn't
personal. Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself, "I think I
won't think today?" It's too late: You're already thinking! Thoughts just
appear. They come out of nothing and go back to nothing, like clouds moving
across the empty sky. They come to pass, not to stay. There is no harm in them
until we attach to them as if they were true.
No one has ever been able
to control his thinking, although people may tell the story of how they have. I
don't let go of my thoughts -- I meet them with understanding. Then they let go
of me.
Thoughts are like the
breeze or the leaves on the trees or the raindrops falling. They appear like
that, and through inquiry we can make friends with them. Would you argue with a
raindrop? Raindrops aren't personal, and neither are thoughts. Once a painful
concept is met with understanding, the next time it appears you may find it
interesting. What used to be the nightmare is now just interesting. The next
time it appears, you may find it funny. The next time, you may not even notice
it. This is the power of loving what is.
Putting the Mind on Paper
The first step in The
Work is to write down your judgments about any stressful situation in your life,
past, present, or future -- about a person you dislike or a situation with
someone who angers or frightens or saddens you. (Use a blank sheet of paper; or
you can go to www.thework.org to the
section called "Do The Work," where you'll find a Judge-Your-Neighbor
Worksheet to download and print).
For thousands of years,
we have been taught not to judge -- but let's face it, we still do it all the
time. The truth is that we all have judgments running in our heads. Through The
Work we finally have permission to let those judgments speak out, or even scream
out, on paper. We may find that even the most unpleasant thoughts can be met
with unconditional love.
I encourage you to write
about someone whom you haven't yet totally forgiven. This is the most powerful
place to begin. Even if you've forgiven that person 99 percent, you aren't free
until your forgiveness is complete. The 1 percent you haven't forgiven them is
the very place where you're stuck in all your other relationships (including
your relationship with yourself). If you begin by pointing the finger of blame
outward, then the focus isn't on you. You can just let loose and be uncensored.
We're often quite sure about what other people need to do, how they should live,
whom they should be with. We have 20/20 vision about others, but not about
ourselves.
When you do The Work, you
see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. Eventually you come to
see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking. You are
the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected
image of your thoughts.
Since the beginning of
time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy.
This hasn't ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The
Work gives us is a way to change the projector -- mind -- rather than the
projected. It's like when there's a piece of lint on a projector's lens. We
think there's a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that
person, whomever the flaw appears to be on next. But it's futile to try to
change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the
lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in
paradise.
How to Write on the Worksheet
I invite you to be
judgmental, harsh, childish, and petty. Write with the spontaneity of a child
who is sad, angry, confused, or frightened. Don't try to be wise, spiritual, or
kind. This is the time to be totally honest and uncensored about how you feel.
Allow your feelings to express themselves, without any fear of consequences or
any threat of punishment.
On the next page, you'll
find an example of a completed Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. I have written
about my second husband,
Paul
, in this example (included here with his
permission); these are the kinds of thoughts that I used to have about him
before my life changed. As you read, you're invited to replace
Paul
's name with the appropriate name in your life.
1.
Who angers, disappoints, or confuses you, and why? What is it about them
that you don't like?
- I
am angry at
Paul
because he doesn't listen to me. I'm
angry at Paul because he doesn't appreciate me. I don't like Paul because
he argues with every thing I say.
2.
How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
a.
I want
Paul
to give me his full attention. I want
Paul
to love me completely. I want
Paul
to agree with me. I want
Paul
to get more exercise.
3.
What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? What
advice could you offer?
a.
Paul
should/shouldn't watch so much television.
Paul
should stop smoking.
Paul
should tell me that he loves me. He shouldn't
ignore me.
4.
Do you need anything from them? What do they need to do in order for you
to be happy?
a.
I need
Paul
to listen to me. I need
Paul
to stop lying to me. I need
Paul
to share his feelings and be emotionally
available. I need
Paul
to be gentle and kind and patient.
5.
What do you think of them? Make a list.
a.
(Remember, be petty and
judgmental.)
Paul
is dishonest.
Paul
is reckless.
Paul
is childish. He thinks he doesn't have to
follow the rules.
Paul
is uncaring and unavailable.
Paul
is irresponsible.
6.
What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
a.
I don't ever want to live with
Paul
if he doesn't change. I don't ever want to
argue with
Paul
again. I don't ever want to be lied to by
Paul
again.
Inquiry: The Four Questions and Turnaround
1.
Is it true?
2.
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.
How do you react when you think that thought?
4.
Who would you be without the thought?
and
Turn it around.
Now, using the four
questions, let's investigate the first statement from number 1 on the example: I
don't like
Paul
because he doesn't listen to me. As you read
along, think of someone you haven't totally forgiven yet.
1.
Is it true? Ask yourself, "Is it true that
Paul
doesn't listen to me?" Be still. If you really want to know the
truth, the answer will rise to meet the question. Let the mind ask the question,
and wait for the answer that surfaces.
2.
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
Consider these questions: "Can I absolutely know that it's true that
Paul
doesn't listen to me? Can I ever really know
when someone is listening or not? Am I sometimes listening even when I appear
not to be?"
3.
How do you react when you think that thought?
How do you react when you think that
Paul
doesn't listen to you? How do you treat him? Make a list. For example:
"I give him 'the look.' I interrupt him. I punish him by not paying
attention to him. I start talking faster and louder, and I try to force him to
listen." Continue making your list as you go inside, and see how you treat
yourself in that situation and how that feels. "I shut down. I isolate
myself. I eat and sleep a lot, and I watch television for days. I feel depressed
and lonely." Notice all the effects of thinking the thought "
Paul
doesn't listen to me."
4.
Who would you be without the thought?
Now consider who you would be if you couldn't think the thought "
Paul
doesn't listen to me." Close your eyes
and imagine
Paul
not listening to you. Imagine you don't have
the thought that
Paul
doesn't listen (or that he even should
listen). Take your time. Notice what is revealed to you. What do you see? How
does that feel?
Turn it around. The
original statement "I don't like
Paul
because he doesn't listen to me," when reversed, could become
"I don't like myself because I don't listen to
Paul
." Is that as true or truer for you? Are you listening to
Paul
when you're thinking about him not listening to you? Continue to find
other examples of how you don't listen.
Another turnaround that
could be as true or truer is "I don't like myself because I don't listen to
myself." When you're thinking about what
Paul
should be doing, are you listening to yourself? Do you put your own
life on hold when you believe that he should listen? Can you hear how you talk
to
Paul
when you believe that he should listen?
After sitting with the
turnarounds, you would continue a typical inquiry with the next statement
written in number 1 on the Worksheet -- I'm angry at Paul because he doesn't
appreciate me -- and then with the other statements on the Worksheet.
Your Turn: The Worksheet
Now you know enough to
try out The Work. First you'll put your thoughts on paper. Simply pick a person
or situation and write, using short, simple sentences. Remember to point the
finger of blame or judgment outward. You may write from your present position or
from your point of view as a five-year-old or twenty-five-year-old. Please do
not write about yourself yet.
1.
Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?
What is it about them that you don't like? (Remember: Be harsh, childish, and
petty.) I don't like (I am angry at, or saddened, frightened, confused, etc.,
by) (name) because _______.
2.
How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
I want (name) to _______.
3.
What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? What advice
could you offer? (Name) should (shouldn't) _______.
4.
Do you need anything from them? What do they need to do in order for you to be
happy? (Pretend it's your birthday and you can have anything you want. Go for
it!) I need (name) to _______.
5.
What do you think of them? Make a list.
(Don't be rational or kind.) (Name) is _______.
6.
What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want _______.
Your Turn: The Inquiry
One by one, put each
statement on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet up against the four questions,
and then turn around the statement you're working on. (If you need help, refer
back to the example on pages 14-15). Throughout this process, explore being open
to possibilities beyond what you think you know. There's nothing more exciting
than discovering the don't-know mind.
It's like diving. Keep
asking the question and wait. Let the answer find you. I call it the heart
meeting the mind: the gentler polarity of mind (which I call the heart) meeting
the polarity that is confused because it hasn't been investigated. When the mind
asks sincerely, the heart will respond. You may begin to experience revelations
about yourself and your world, revelations that can transform your whole life,
forever.
Look at the first
statement that you have written on number 1 of your Worksheet. Now ask yourself
the following questions:
1. Is it true?
Reality, for me, is what
is true. The truth is whatever is in front of you, whatever is really happening.
Whether you like it or not, it's raining now. "It shouldn't be
raining" is just a thought. In reality, there is no such thing as a
"should" or a "shouldn't." These are only thoughts that we
impose onto reality. Without the "should" and "shouldn't",
we can see reality as it is, and this leaves us free to act efficiently,
clearly, and sanely.
When asking the first
question, take your time. The Work is about discovering what is true from the
deepest part of yourself. You are listening for your answers now, not other
people's, and not anything you have been taught. This can be very unsettling,
because you're entering the unknown. As you continue to dive deeper, allow the
truth within you to rise and meet the question. Be gentle as you give yourself
to inquiry. Let this experience have you completely.
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
If your answer to
question 1 is yes, ask yourself, "Can I absolutely know that it's
true?" In many cases, the statement appears to be true. Of course it does.
Your concepts are based on a lifetime of uninvestigated beliefs.
After I woke up to
reality in 1986, I noticed many times how people, in conversations, the media,
and books, made statements such as "There isn't enough understanding in the
world," "There's too much violence," "We should love one
another more." These were stories I used to believe, too. They seemed
sensitive, kind, and caring, but as I heard them, I noticed that believing them
caused stress and that they didn't feel peaceful inside me.
For instance, when I
heard the story "People should be more loving," the question would
arise in me "Can I absolutely know that that's true? Can I really know for
myself, within myself, that people should be more loving? Even if the whole
world tells me so, is it really true?" And to my amazement, when I listened
within myself, I saw that the world is what it is -- nothing more, nothing
less. Where reality is concerned, there is no "what should be." There
is only "what is," just the way it is, right now. The truth is prior
to every story. And every story, prior to investigation, prevents us from seeing
what's true.
Now I could finally
inquire of every potentially uncomfortable story, "Can I absolutely know
that it's true?" And the answer, like the question, was an experience: No.
I would stand rooted in that answer -- solitary, peaceful, free.
How could no be the right
answer? Everyone I knew, and all the books, said that the answer should be yes.
But I came to see that the truth is itself and will not be dictated to by
anyone. In the presence of that inner no, I came to see that the world is always
as it should be, whether I opposed it or not. And I came to embrace reality with
all my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.
If your answer is still
yes, good. If you think that you can absolutely know that that's true, it's
always fine to move on to question 3.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
With this question, we
begin to notice internal cause and effect. You can see that when you believe the
thought, there is an uneasy feeling, a disturbance that can range from mild
discomfort to fear or panic.
After the four questions
found me, I would notice thoughts like "People should be more loving,"
and I would see that they caused a feeling of uneasiness. I noticed that prior
to the thought, there was peace. My mind was quiet and serene. This is who I am
without my story. Then, in the stillness of awareness, I began to notice the
feelings that came from believing or attaching to the thought. And in the
stillness, I could see that if I were to believe the thought, the result would
be a feeling of unease and sadness. When I asked, "How do I react when I
believe the thought that people should be more loving?" I saw that not only
did I have an uncomfortable feeling (this was obvious), but I also reacted with
mental pictures to prove that the thought was true. I flew off into a world that
didn't exist. I reacted by living in a stressed body, seeing everything through
fearful eyes, a sleepwalker, someone in an endless nightmare. The remedy was
simply to investigate.
I love question 3. Once
you answer it for yourself, once you see the cause and effect of a thought, all
your suffering begins to unravel.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
This is a very powerful
question. Picture yourself standing in the presence of the person you have
written about when they're doing what you think they shouldn't be doing. Now,
just for a minute or two, close your eyes, and imagine who you would be if you
couldn't think this thought. How would your life be different in the same
situation without this thought? Keep your eyes closed and watch them without
your story. What do you see? How do you feel about them without the story? Which
do you prefer -- with or without your story? Which feels kinder? Which feels
more peaceful?
For many people, life
without their story is literally unimaginable. They have no reference for it. So
"I don't know" is a common answer to this question. Other people
answer by saying, "I'd be free," "I'd be peaceful,"
"I'd be a more loving person." You could also say, "I'd be clear
enough to understand the situation and act efficiently." Without our
stories, we are not only able to act clearly and fearlessly; we are also a
friend, a listener. We are people living happy lives. We are appreciation and
gratitude that have become as natural as breath itself. Happiness is the natural
state for someone who knows that there's nothing to know and that we already
have everything we need, right here now.
Turn it Around
To do the turnaround,
rewrite your statement. First, write it as if it were written about you. Where
you have written someone's name, put yourself. Instead of "he" or
"she," put "I." For example, "
Paul
should be kind to me" turns around to "I should be kind to
myself" and "I should be kind to
Paul
." Another type is a 180-degree turnaround to the extreme
opposite: "
Paul
shouldn't be kind to me." He shouldn't
be kind, because he isn't (in my opinion). This isn't an issue of morality but
of what's actually true.
You may come to see three
or four or more turn-arounds in one sentence. Or there may be just one that
feels true for you. Consider whether or not each turned-around statement is as
true as or truer than your original statement. For example, the turn-around
"I should be kind to myself" does seem as true as or truer than the
original statement, because when I think that Paul should be kind to me, I get
angry and resentful, and I cause myself a lot of stress. This is not a kind
thing to do. If I were kind to myself, I wouldn't have to wait for kindness from
others. "I should be kind to
Paul
" -- that too is at least as true as the original statement. When
I think that
Paul
should be kind to me and I get angry and
resentful, I treat
Paul
very unkindly, especially in my mind. Let me
begin with myself and act as I'd like
Paul
to act. As for "
Paul
shouldn't be kind to me," that is
certainly truer than its opposite. He shouldn't be kind, because he isn't.
That's the reality of it.
The turnaround is a very
powerful part of The Work. As long as you think that the cause of your problem
is "out there" -- as long as you think that anyone or anything else
is responsible for your suffering -- the situation is hopeless. It means that
you are forever in the role of the victim, that you're suffering in paradise. So
bring the truth home to yourself and begin to set yourself free. Inquiry
combined with the turnaround is the fast track to self-realization.
The Turnaround for Number 6
The turnaround for
statement number 6 on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet is a bit different from
the others. We change "I don't ever want to…" to "I am willing
to…" and "I look forward to…."
For example, "I
don't ever want to argue with
Paul
again" turns around to "I am
willing to argue with
Paul
again" and "I look forward to
arguing with
Paul
again."
This turnaround is about
embracing all of life. Saying -- and meaning -- "I am willing to…"
creates openness, creativity, and flexibility. Any resistance that you may have
is softened, allowing you to lighten up rather than keep hopelessly applying
willpower or force to eradicate the situation from your life. Saying and meaning
"I look forward to…" actively opens you to life as it unfolds.
It's good to acknowledge
that the same feelings or situation may happen again, if only in your thoughts.
When you realize that suffering and discomfort are the call to inquiry, you may
actually begin to look forward to uncomfortable feelings. You may even
experience them as friends coming to show you what you have not yet investigated
thoroughly enough. It's no longer necessary to wait for people or situations to
change in order to experience peace and harmony. The Work is the direct way to
orchestrate your own happiness.
Questions and Answers
I have a hard time
writing about others. Can I write about myself?
If you want to know
yourself, I suggest you write about someone else. Point The Work outward in the
beginning, and you may come to see that everything outside you is a direct
reflection of your thinking. It is all about you. Most of us have been pointing
our criticism and judgments at ourselves for years, and it hasn't solved
anything yet. Judging someone else, inquiring, and turning it around is the fast
path to understanding and self-realization.
How can you say that
reality is good? What about war, rape, poverty, violence, and child abuse? Are
you condoning them?
How could I condone them?
I simply notice that if I believe they shouldn't exist when they do exist, I
suffer. Can I just end the war in me? Can I stop raping myself and others with
my abusive thoughts and actions? If not, I'm continuing in myself the very thing
I want to end in the world. I start with ending my own suffering, my own war.
This is a life's work.
So what you're saying is
that I should just accept reality as it is and not argue with it. Is that right?
The Work doesn't say what
anyone should or shouldn't do. We simply ask, "What is the effect of
arguing with reality? How does it feel?" This Work explores the cause and
effect of attaching to painful thoughts, and in that investigation we find our
freedom. To simply say that we shouldn't argue with reality just adds another
story, another philosophy or religion. It hasn't ever worked.
Loving what is sounds
like never wanting anything. Isn't it more interesting to want things?
My experience is that I
do want something all the time: What I want is what is. It's not only
interesting, it's ecstatic! When I want what I have, thought and action aren't
separate; they move as one, without conflict. If you find anything lacking,
ever, write down your thought and inquire. I find that life never falls short
and doesn't require future.
Everything I need is always supplied, and I don't have to do anything for it.
There is nothing more exciting than loving what is.
What if I don't have a
problem with people? Can I write about things, like my body?
Yes. Do The Work on any
subject that is stressful. As you become familiar with the four questions and
the turnaround, you may choose subjects such as the body, disease, career, or
even God. Then experiment with using the term "my thinking" in place
of the subject when you do the turnarounds. Example: "My body should be
strong and healthy" becomes "My thinking should be strong and
healthy." Isn't that what you really want -- a balanced, healthy mind? Has
a sick body ever been a problem, or is it your thinking about the body that
causes the problem? Investigate. Let your doctor take care of your body as you
take care of your thinking. I have a friend who can't move his body, and he is
loving life. Freedom doesn't require a healthy body. Free your mind.
How can I learn to
forgive someone who hurt me very badly?
Judge your enemy, write
it down, ask four questions, turn it around. See for yourself that forgiveness
means discovering that what you thought happened didn't. Until you can see that
there's nothing to forgive, you haven't really forgiven. No one has ever hurt
anyone. No one has ever done anything terrible. There's nothing terrible except
your uninvestigated thoughts about what happened. So whenever you suffer:
Inquire, look at the thoughts you're thinking, and set yourself free. Be a
child. Start from the mind that knows nothing. Take your ignorance all the way
to freedom.
Is inquiry a process of
thinking? If not, what is it?
Inquiry appears to be a
process of thinking, but actually it's a way to undo thinking. Thoughts lose
their power over us when we realize that they simply appear in the mind. They're
not personal. Through The Work, instead of escaping or suppressing our thoughts,
we learn to meet them with open arms.
"Katie-isms"
w
When you argue with reality, you
lose -- but only always.
w
Personalities don't love -- they want something.
w
If I had a prayer, it would be
this: "God spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation.
Amen."
w
Don't pretend yourself beyond
your own evolution.
w
I am the perpetrator of my
suffering -- but only all of it.
w
An unquestioned mind is the
world of suffering.
w
Anything you want to ask a
teacher, ask yourself. If you really want to know the truth, the answer will
meet your question.
w
It's not your job to like me -- that's my job.
w
The worst thing that has ever
happened is an uninvestigated thought.
w
Sanity doesn't suffer, ever.
w
The teacher you need is the
person you're living with. Are you listening?
w
I don't let go of my concepts --
I meet them through inquiry, then they let go of me.
w
Reality is always kinder than
the story we tell about it.
w
Ultimately I am all that I can
know.
w
Confusion is the only suffering.
w
What is is. You don't get a
vote. Haven't you noticed?
w
I'm very clear that the whole
world loves me. I just don't expect them to realize it yet.
w
There are no physical problems --
only mental ones.
w
The direct route is: "God
is everything; God is good."
w
The only way I can be angry at
you is when I have thought, said, or done something that is unkind in my own
opinion.
w
Reality is God, because it rules.
Reviews of Loving What Is
"Good lord! Where
did Byron
Katie
come from? She's the real McCoy. Her Work is
amazingly effective -- a simple, straightforward antidote to the suffering we
unnecessarily create for ourselves. She asks us to believe nothing, but provides
a surprisingly effective and simple way to cut through the tangle of delusions
we wrap ourselves in."
-- David Chadwick, author of The Crooked Cucumber
"Suppose you could
find a simple way to embrace your life with joy, to stop arguing with reality,
and to achieve serenity in the midst of chaos. That is what Loving What Is
offers. It is no less than a revolutionary way to live your life. The question
is: Are we brave enough to accept it?"
--Erica
Jong, author of Fear of Flying
"If I could give one
book to everyone in the world, this would be it. I'm an ordained Christian
minister, and I'd give out this book before the Bible itself. It is literally
the key to end all suffering. The information it contains can replace all
self-help books. It's that transformational."
-- J.B., Nemacolin, PA(on
Amazon.com)
"I am 52 years old,
and I'm not someone who is trying to work out my relationship with other races,
or explore why a spouse was unfaithful to me. I'm a disabled vet; for over
thirty years I've been diagnosed with 'paranoid schizophrenia.'
One day a few weeks ago,
my friend Fred
stopped by. He brought over a book called
Loving What Is. 'Let's try this,' he said. I went through the processes as Fred
facilitated. 'Who would you be without that thought?' I sank down into
what it would be like to be without that thought, someone simply enjoying my
relationships with other people, exchanging ideas, passing time. It felt…
free.
In twenty minutes, years
of irascibility, anger, and confusion… just went away.
I used to sit in Rap
Groups when the Vet Centers first came out and I watched Vets struggle with the
horrors that had changed their lives so dramatically. Today, I wish someone had
been sitting there like my buddy Fred, with Loving What Is and a piece of paper
with four questions scribbled on it. Who might it have helped? I can only
wonder. Three decades later, I know it helped me. I only have one thing to say
to other Vets about that: For those who fought for freedom, it's your time to be
free. Do The Work."
-- J.M.L., Reno, NV
For more amazing
testimonials, visit www.thework.org
The Four Questions
Here are the four
questions again. Some people cut these out and keep them close at hand.
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely
know that it's true?
3. How do you react when
you think that thought?
4. Who would you be
without that thought?
Turn
the statement around. (Is that as true or truer?
Can you find another turn
around?
